


Muffet's "Spider Baseball Fund~!" and Other Shenanigans

by ImpulseFunWritinAnon



Series: Undertale: Short Cute Stories and Other Assortments [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Baseball game, Best baseball roster, Gen, Having a Great Time, Papyrus is the umpire, Spider Bake Sale, They are all so cute, cute fic, papyrus is adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:56:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6496315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpulseFunWritinAnon/pseuds/ImpulseFunWritinAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Muffet hosts a fundraiser for spider. In addition, they hold their bake sale at a baseball game. Humans versus monsters! Who will win? And will this bake sale be a success?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "The Monster's Baseball Team"

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at a cute story. Let's see where this goes, shall we~?
> 
> Introducing: The baseball team roster!

"Introducing Muffet's Baseball Fund Bake Sale!" read a poster in an elementary school building bulletin board. "All proceeds go to real spiders! We will be hosting a baseball game to raise awareness of our fundraiser! Come support us! Fill out the roster below to join in the fun, dearies!" As soon as the poster was up, groups of human children lined up to beat each other to the roster, with Frisk already nominated as the captain of the humans' baseball team. What made the baseball game so unique, and delighted the students to not end, was that they would be playing against seven monsters from the Underground, including their favorite teacher. Next to the roster written in fresh pen ink read, "Feel free to use a nickname! Have fun~" The spiders agreed it would be fun to let the players create nicknames for themselves. The results were less than favorable - that is, if they were going for a clean, tidy roster. The by-product of the spiders' idea was, needless to say, astounding.

 

The monsters' roster read:

 

"The Monster's Baseball Team"

 

An arrow pointed at the title, with an exchange reading, "come up with a better name asgore" "why? what's wrong with it?" "nevermind"

 

"-Asgore the Baseball Team Captain". Text off to the side read, "wow how original", followed by "I'm sorry, but that's the best I could come up with."

 

"-UNDYNE THE UNDYING!" Graffiti was drawn next to her, in an attempt to draw the fish lady. Poorly.

"-THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus' face was drawn next to the "HEH!", with exaggerated biceps. "liar you don't look like that" read one line. "so cool" and "the legendary fartmaster" read below the drawing.

 

"-Alphys~!" The scrawled name was barely legible, as it resembled chicken scratch -or rather, pointy claw marks - that damaged the paper. Badly drawn anime emojis were drawn around the name.

 

"-METTATON THE UNDERGROUND IDOL!" was written in giant, superfluous letters, taking up multiple rows. The handwriting was splendid, almost ritzy. It resembled the flamboyant robot's autograph.

 

"-" Different variations of nicknames were scribbled, then marked out. This pattern continued until the next line of the roster. It was an undecipherable mess. A written apology was written off to the side.

 

"-Toriel" A simple name that was settled upon. The gentle - and culturally oblivious - goat teacher did not understand the idea of a nickname, and left it at her name. That is, after multiple attempts to come up with different nicknames, all of them scratched out in the lengthy horizontal row above.

 

"-sans" Off to the side was written, "SERIOUSLY? THAT'S THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH???" A written response to the right read, "yup". "CAN'T YOU AT LEAST TRY OUT A NICKNAME SANS" "nope" "YOU'RE NO FUN" "r u kidding im a skeleTON of fun" "NO YOU ARE NOT" "yes i am" "PROVE IT" At the corner of the ongoing argument was "papyrus is a doo doo head". Jeering comments followed the immature comment, with variations of "LOL", "HAHAHA!!!", "owned", and so on. "FORGET IT!" was written hard into the paper -most likely out of frustration - in the bottom left-hand corner of the roster, an arrow pointing at the banter near Sans' name. The repartee ended at "see im a hilarious sansation". "WOW I'VE GOT NOTHING ELSE TO SAY TO YOU" was written in small letters, trying to fit in the last word on the matter.

 

The monsters' baseball team roster was an eyesore, yet too intriguing to ignore. It was entertaining to take a quick look in an attempt to decipher the over-crowded mess of words. The children snickered in amusement at the incoherent ruin that was the roster. Those that made the cut couldn't wait to finally meet the rest of the monsters' baseball team.

 

At the end of the school day, Muffet came up to pick up the finished roster. She light-heartedly giggled in her whimsical tone. "Ahuhuhu...! Tomorrow is going to be so much fun~!"

 


	2. The Great Umpire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine this: Papyrus the Umpire!

The afternoon sun shined brightly onto the green, gracing the baseball field with its pleasant warmth. The breeze in the air was sprightly, carrying sand particles with it, with a crisp undertone from the freshly mowed grass turf. It is a beautiful day outside, perfect for outdoor recreation. Today is the day that the monsters will face off against the school's chosen baseball team. The baseball game is underway; Frisk led their team onto the field. They made sure to discuss each individual's niche in the field beforehand. They spread out onto their selected positions, confident in their abilities. _It is going to be a game to remember,_ Frisk fantasized, falling into a daydream. _There will be no complications. I hope._

 

The monsters, being the visiting team, stepped up to bat for the first inning. They drew straws in order to choose the order of batters, which was not exactly the most ideal way to go about trying to go for a winning streak. Mettaton sat alongside Muffet in her pastry stand. The spiders' representative was giddy to witness the world's first monsters versus humans baseball game. The spectators were in the dozens, soon to hit one hundred; an excessive amount of people - and monsters - of all ages to attend a baseball game. Then again, this is the most peculiar event to happen ever since the monsters rose onto the surface world. So far, the spider fundraiser was gaining great endorsement from the crowd. There was nowhere to go but up. But just in case things went downhill, Muffet put up a quaint "No refunds dearies. Thank you for your patronage~!" sign on her pastry counter. Muffet and her horde of spiders were set up for success. Mettaton got up from his spot, putting on his entertainer persona as he announced gaudily with his illustrious, shiny megaphone - who nobody has a remote idea as to where he attained such an extravagant object - the first to go up to bat. "First up, Undyne the Undying!"

 

"YES!" Undyne shouted triumphantly, as she raised her arms into the air, fists clenched tight. She hasn't even hit the ball yet, and she acted as if she had it made. The rowdy former Royal Guard was eager to put forth all her undying passion onto this children's baseball game, hellbent on hitting a home run on her first try. There was a slight problem with this sort of wishful thinking.

 

None of the monsters have ever played baseball before. For some reason, they thought it would be best to go with the flow. The reality was that they all forgot to have baseball practices to gain any sort of routine or strategy to possibly gain a win - however, to be fair, they all had greatly varied lives and schedules, which made it difficult to keep in touch with each other. Their entire play, from start to finish, will have to improvised, relying on their instinct and natural abilities. As a result, Undyne did not seem to grasp the simple concept of holding a bat properly. Except, of course, shutting her two hands together as if they were super-glued to the bat. She had a perfect grasp in that department.

 

She glared menacingly at the rosy-cheeked lad playing pitcher with a war-like expression. Undyne drew her finger across her neck. "You are done punk, DONE!" She beat the bat onto the ground, positioning herself to bat. The pitcher was visibly shaking, from head to toe. He raised his arm hesitantly, and threw a limp curve ball at Undyne. She yelled as she swung her bat, asserting her dominance. A hard thud followed. Undyne - luckily - hit the ball far out into the sky. "I DID IT!"

 

"RUN UNDYNE RUN!" Papyrus shouted from the benches. Despite the volume of his voice, Sans was fast-asleep next to him to pass the time, not minding the noise at all.

 

Undyne returned back to the world around her, and began her sprint. She was sure to have a home run with a hit like that. "Hey look!" One of the kids pointed at the clouds, but actually meant to point at the incoming baseball that Undyne just recently hit. And it was heading right...

 

"AARRGHH!"

 

Onto Undyne's head. She dropped to the ground, groaning in pain from the blow.

 

"UNDYNE YOU'RE OUT!" Papyrus again shouted, his brother not the slightest bit startled.

 

"UGH! Papyrus, if I remember correctly, you're not the one who make the final calls around here! Oh, this is unbelievable..." Undyne rubbed her forehead, flinching at the swelling bruise.

 

"WELL, I'M NOT SURE WHO IS!" One of the volunteer coaches that oversaw the baseball game went up to the monsters' bench, attempting to explain to Papyrus what an 'umpire' is.

 

"OH! DO WE EVEN HAVE AN UMPIRE?"

 

The coach clarified himself; they were there specifically because they volunteered to be the umpire for the match.

 

"YOU ARE? WOWIE! BUT IF YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE CALLS, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU?"

 

The annoyed umpire answered, "Because you kept interrupting me."

 

"...OH."

 

"Now can we PLEASE get back to the game?"

 

"ABSOLUTELY!" Papyrus eagerly announced, "LET'S GET ON WITH THE GAME!"

 

"..."

 

"WHAT?"

 

"Right, that's it. YOU be the umpire. I can't believe I thought it would be a good idea to volunteer for this. Good luck."

 

The umpire left.

 

"I... AM THE UMPIRE...?" Papyrus questioned out loud.

 

"WOWIE! I'M THE UMPIRE! DID YOU HEAR THAT, SANS?" Papyrus grabbed his older brother, and shook him awake in all his unconstrained excitement. "I'M THE UMPIRE!"

 

"tha-aa-at's so-oo-ooo co-ooo-ool bro." Sans commented, as he was rocked to and fro.

 

"IT IS COOL! AFTERALL," Papyrus abruptly dropped Sans, continued by Papyrus striking a dignified pose. "A COOL DUDE LIKE ME WILL MAKE A FINE UMPIRE. WHICH REMINDS ME, I MUST GO ONTO THE FIELD! I NEED TO ESTABLISH ORDER!" Papyrus leaped past a groggy Sans, laying on the ground as he saw doubles of his younger brother. As Sans tried to get back on the bench, he got off balance and fell head-first onto the bench. Sans was having a bad time.

 

"UNDYNE!" Papyrus ran towards the wounded Undyne. "ARE YOU ALRI-?"

 

The children on the field clamored, demanding to get back to the game. Their team's pitcher yelled out to Papyrus. "Hey DUMMY! You're supposed to be behind the catcher! Let's get on with the game alrea-"

 

"SHUT UP, you little jerk! Or I will have you dance with death!" Undyne tactlessly lashed out. "You know what? SCREW THIS! I don't have to tolerate any of this! NGAH!"

 

Undyne, being Undyne, was quick to rebound. She was starting to treat this like an actual battle.

 

"You foul ball! I will BEAT YOU TO A PULP! NGAH!!" Undyne conjured a spear, and jabbed it to pieces. The spectators' expressions varied from displeased to absolutely aghast. The pitcher's face turned pale. Sans felt bad for the kid. Compelled to lift their spirits, he appeared behind the pitcher.

 

"heya." The pitcher got spooked by the short skeleton. "sorry bout the fish lady over there kiddo. she is really excited about this." Sans grinned, winking his left eye. "don't let her get to ya. she's ok once you get to know her."

 

"SANS! What on Earth do you think you're doing!? Supporting the opposing team!? TRAITOR!" Undyne threw herself at Sans. He looked lively, and took hold of her SOUL. She retaliated by doing the same in that instant. A scuffle shortly ensued; the crowd gasped in consternation at the outlandish occurrence.

 

The pitcher bolted out of his spot, bawling and screaming. "WAAH! MOMMY! I WANT TO GO HOME!"

 

Papyrus made haste onto the center of the field to stop the brawl. "STOP IT YOU TWO! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUN OPPORTUNITY TO GAIN A BETTER REPUTATION WITH THE HUMANS! REMEMBER THE MUFFET'S FUNDRAISE-" Papyrus was accidentally pulled into the melee, his SOUL turning green. A dust cloud obscured the fight, with only the sounds of grunts and warrior yells to indicate their presence.

 

Frisk sighed in disappointment at the sight. They made up their mind, and walked towards the scuffle.

 

"Sans, Papyrus, Undyne. That's enough!" Frisk raised their voice loud enough so that the monsters' knew it was Frisk speaking, in their usual concise manner. The monsters' actions came to a standstill, paying full attention. "Thank you. Remember Muffet's fundraiser? That's what we are really playing for. Please, I ask of you all to behave. The crowd doesn't know you guys the same way I do. Look around you. There are so many scared faces. They have no idea what's going on right now. I want you three to make this right. Go back to your positions and play the game. Make a good impression for everybody to see and remember. Ok?"

 

"Ok." All three answered at once.

 

"That's more like it. Papyrus, you're still the umpire, right?"

 

"WHY YES I AM!"

 

"Start the game from the beginning!"

 

"I SURE WILL FRISK! WE WILL MAKE THIS A BASEBALL GAME FOR THE AGES!" Papyrus ran behind the catcher, and made the call. "HEY EVERYONE! WE ARE RESETTING THE GAME!"

 

\--

 

After about an hour of deliberation, the monsters came down to a compromise. Before that, they debated amongst themselves as to who should be what position on the field. What should have been a civil discussion turned into a full blown argument. Eventually, Frisk intervened, again. The second part of the first inning had to start at some point. In the end, they finally made their decisions. Sans was designated to be the left, center, and right fielder, due to having the advantage of taking shortcuts. Toriel kept insisting on being the catcher, unknown to everyone her true motives. _I'm going to say comforting words to all the children before they bat. I'm sure it will make them feel more motivated_ , _and then they won't be afraid of us from that awful scuffle that happened earlier_ , Toriel thought. She wanted this position to make up for all the little shortcomings the monsters had. Eventually, she got through to the rest of her teammates.

 

To everyone's surprise, Napstablook unknowingly interrupted the game, causing the monsters' team third strike. The reason for Napstablook's appearance was to ask if he could be part of their team, and went on to explain that he was too late to sign on the roster. They were looking forward to joining in on the fun, so they were relatively disheartened. Mettaton insisted on them playing for their team from the very start, which is what drove Napstablook to want to take part in the baseball game in the first place. Choosing a position for Napstablook proved to be quite difficult. To get the most action, Napstablook ended up being appointed first baseman, although not everybody was in accordance to this - some were not sure if a ghost would be able to play effectively. Second baseman is Alphys - because she wanted to be as close as possible to bear witness to Undyne's performance - and Asgore is third baseman, the last line of defence. Undyne asserted herself to be the fearsome pitcher. Mettaton was originally supposed to be the shortstop, but he insisted on being the sportscaster from the very start, so they let him be one. Sans had to be given the shortstop position on top of being the fielder for all three large spaces. Needless to say, Sans' nerves were crawling down his back. Papyrus was relatively satisfied with the results, regardless of the absurdity of Sans essentially being the utility player. All Papyrus could do was believe.

 

At last, the monsters stepped onto the baseball field, taking their positions.

 

"Aaaand here they are!" Mettaton announced. "Would you look at that! Undyne the Undying as the pitcher!"

 

"Who would have thought..." He murmured to Muffet.

 

Frisk was first bat.

 

"Up first is: Frisk! Our wonderful ambassador! Knock 'em them dead, darling!"

 

Undyne glares at Frisk, with a tightened grin across her face. She raises her hand, preparing a throw like none other. Toriel whispers to Frisk, "My child, good luck, and be careful." Frisk giggles. "I'll be fine. Don't you have a ball to catch, mom?"

 

"Undyne has dead-set eyes. Wow, she really is aiming for Frisk! She pitches! Oh my, what a swift ball!"

 

The ball seems to be burning from the sheer, raw force. Frisk has the determination to hit it.

 

"Frisk swings! IT'S A HIT! Frisk is running for it!" Frisk sprints to first base.

 

"I'm going to get you...! Pass me the ball, Sans! ... Sans?"

 

"They go right through Napstablook! Frisk is going to second! Where is the fielder when they are needed most? Wait a moment! Sans is...!"

 

Sans was napping standing up in the center field. The ball miraculously landed right by his side.

 

"The fielder is napping on the job! Ladies and gentlemen, this is unbelievable! And there goes Frisk, about to zoom past Alphys!"

 

"SANS! OH MY GOD, WAKE UP!" Papyrus yelled out from behind Toriel. "OHHH HE CAN'T HEAR ME, CAN HE!? ALPHYS! WAKE HIM UP!"

 

Alphys quickly nodded, and ran to the center field. "Sans! Wake up!" She notices the ball. "Ugh, come on!" She shakes him awake. "heya. what gives?" He looks down to his left. "oh right." Sans carelessly shrugs. "don't worry, i'm back in the game now. lemme give this a throw." Somehow, possibly by magic, he throws the ball straight towards Asgore.

 

"The fielder is wide awake! What a throw! Will the third baseman catch it? Frisk heads to the hot corner! The ball is coming down and..."

 

Asgore, with his hefty hands raised high in the air, manages to catch the ball. At the same time, Frisk skidded to touch the base. "Asgore catches it! But Frisk foot is on the base! It's time for the umpire to make the call! This is a close one, folks."

 

The pressure was on for Papyrus. After all the excitement he had from being the one to make the calls, this one was too close a call. He didn't want to make it, especially with all the effort his best friend put into running for it. "UH... GIVE ME SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT!" The crowd booed. "OKAY, OKAY! UH I DON'T KNOW! THIS PAINS ME TO SAY, BUT..." He looked at Asgore, then at Frisk. Papyrus was in perplexed by this dilemma. "I... I'M CALLING IT! FRISK IS SAFE!"

 

The crowd cheered, as did the children. As a consequence of Papyrus' call, some people got up to go to Muffet's pastry stand. Some bought more croissants and the like. For those that weren't hungry or didn't eat any of the sugary treats, they left a good share of donations. Muffet couldn't be any happier with the outcome, even if it meant the monsters' demise. "WHAT!?" Undyne exclaimed angrily. "Papyrus, you dummy! What kind of call was that!?" Unlike Undyne, Asgore didn't even have anger, just confusion. Luckily, he had good sportsmanship. "Good job, Frisk. Your determination got you this far, fair and square." Frisk smiled triumphantly. "Punk, you may have won the battle, but you have not won the WAR! Fu hu hu!"

 

The next child was up next to bat. Toriel whispered to them, "Don't worry, my child. You will do a great job. Stay safe, okay?"

 

Mettaton continues with his sports chatter. "The pitcher is giving her usual death glare! What an intimidation attempt! But the batter is looking determined! She throws a fast one! OH!"

 

The batter, with trembling hands, swung their bat, but no dice. Toriel softly spoke again, "It's okay, my child. Stay determined, and don't let her get to you." Undyne noticed this, and called her out. "Toriel! What do you think you're doing!?" Undyne gasped. "Are you aiding the enemy? Don't you DARE do that!"

 

"Undyne, I am not aiding the enemy. The humans are not our enemy to begin with. We must show these children that we care about their well-being a-"

 

"CARE about their well-being? What about the game, Toriel!? I'm all for improving human relations, but we MUST win this game! We MUST put our hearts into this! Our hearts must beat as one to best these skilled humans! So LET'S GET ON WITH IT ALREADY, YOU LITTLE RUFFIAN! NGAHHH!!" Undyne threw the ball harder than before. The ball developed an ember, soon to be swallowed by its own flames. And it succumbed not a second more after the throw. The small pile of ashes lay infront of the child. Unable to take a swing at it, the kid looked to Frisk across from him. They both nodded in silent agreement, and sprinted for it. The crowd cheered ecstatically at the development. Who knew people could get so excited about a burned ball?

 

"No! NO! NOOOO!" Undyne yelled in defeat, fists clenched as she fell to her knees. "WHY!?"

 

Frisk made it home with no obstacles to heed. The children in the benches cheered at the attainment of their first point. But it was not over yet. "HOME, RUN! HOME, RUN!" The crowd chanted in unison, as the sprinting lad went through each and every base. Zooming through Napstablook, zipping past Alphys, and raced past Asgore. They pounced at the home base, and the crowd erupted into a raving cheer. At last; a team scored. This action is what the people have been wanting all along. Frisk's team headed towards the tired child, lifting him up and lively chanted their name.

 

"Would you look at that! Frisk's team scored! TWICE!" Mettaton acclaimed. "And the crowd is going wild! What a game this has been, and it hasn't even five minutes! The first inning clearly has a winner! Oh, Muffet's got something to say! Here is Muffet with an announcement!"

 

Muffet spoke in her usual spirit. "Hello dearies~! I'd like to announce that after this recent outcome in this lovely baseball game, we have raised more than $1000 for our spider bake sale!" People from the stands clapped and hooted at the new reveal. "Thank you all for your support everyone~! We really appreciate it. And remember, all proceeds go to real spiders. You all have been great supporters of our cause! We couldn't have done it without you. We also have Asgore's team to thank for this wonderful turn of events~! I thank Papyrus, as we most likely would not have accumulated so many donations, were it not for the close call you made. Your way of supporting us makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside~. Anyway, thanks again to everybody watching our first ever monsters versus humans baseball game! Stay seated for more lovely sports shenanigans! Unless, of course, you want to buy more of our delicious doughnuts~. We offer you hunger relief, and you offer us your kind philanthropy. Thank you~!"

 

If Metatton could shed a few tears of joy, he would. His expression showed he was touched by the goodwill of the humans, even if it was partly because of the monsters' drawbacks and lapses in judgement. He went up to Muffet, smiling back. "Thank you Muffet for your kind words! They truly touched my heart. With all that said and done, let us get back to reporting the rest of the game. Take it away, Papyrus!"

 

After all that has transpired, Papyrus now had no regrets with his recent decision. _I AM SUCH A GOOD UMPIRE!_

 

"PLAY BALL!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Muffet's "Spider Baseball Fund" is a big success.

**Author's Note:**

> Up next: Humans versus monsters! A baseball game to surpass them all! 
> 
> Or does it?


End file.
